Confused

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I pull, and I pull, and I pull
Layer by layer
Reaching; Suffocating
I claw away at the surface
Never quite reaching the top
I feel like I'll never get there
But yet I feel like it's oh so close
Air is running thin
Body so very weak
Why can't I get there?
Why is it so hard to reach?
Is this a sign?
My head is pounding
Like I'm being hit over the head with a hammer
Over, and over, and over
I'm at my wits end
Lost beyond the deserts
All I see are illusions of what I wish it all could be
But it never will be
So I keep wondering
Trying to find a way out
A way out of this deep depression I never knew I was in